How To Be Emotionally Healthy In This Crazy Season
One of the questions I get asked often by other pastors who are younger than me: Have you ever been through a year that is anything like 2020? My answer is clearly NO! There is nothing quite like this year, especially for pastors and church leaders.
Now, I do not want to sound like I am complaining. I realize that God has given me (us) the honor of serving him and his people. What I want to do is just restate the uniqueness of these last seven months:
Every church was asked to close its doors and go online at least for a season. We all had to pivot to learn new skills and train our people to connect, give, and worship online.
Reopening the church had the hazard of trying to keep people safe from catching COVID-19, while at the same time dealing with all the various opinions of how open properly.
Tension around mask wearing, social distancing, and kids’ ministry has been enormous. There is actually not a decision that could be made that would have pleased everyone. In fact, whatever we decided was a guarantee that someone else would be mad.
Dear friends and longtime church members have left the church due to our decisions. As I talk to pastors around the country, everyone has lost someone over these controversial matters.
Racial tensions, grief, anger, and concerns are growing. There’s ongoing pressure from some to ‘say more’ and from others to ‘say less’, or ‘say it differently’.
Political tensions are rising during this election year. There are expectations from some church folks to pick a side and advocate for that candidate.
On top of that, there are pastors on social media who are calling out other pastors and telling people. “If your pastor doesn’t do this, or speak out on this, or take a stand over here - you need to leave that church and go somewhere they will do what needs to be done.”
So many pastors and leaders are feeling exhausted, and at times, a bit depressed. We are grieving the loss of the people who have left. We feel judged. Criticized. Second-guessed. Many of us feel decision-fatigue, due to so many changes and adjustments that had to be made. So how in the world do you remain emotionally healthy at a time like this?
#1 - POUR OUT YOUR HEART TO GOD
There is somewhat of a lost art in the church world today. We know how to talk about our problems. We are able to seek counsel or coaching regarding them. But we have lost the skill of getting alone with God, and staying there along enough to cry out to God over everything that is burdening our soul.
One of the things I do when I am feeling weighted down or depressed is to get into a private place where I can list all my complaints, hurts, and fears before the Lord. I talk to him with passion and desperation. Then I worship. I complain to God and cry out again from the depths of my being. And then, I worship a little longer.
I am not talking about just praying through a list of needs. I am talking about getting real with God and staying there until you feel you have been heard.
#2 - GET A ‘WORD’ FROM GOD
After I spend the time emptying myself in prayer, I listen to hear his still small voice. At the beginning of July, I was at a breaking point. I was exhausted. I felt judged by so many people. I was very much unsure of myself, as we were in completely new territory as a church. After pouring my heart out to God, I felt God speak to me three key things.
“You belong to me! Don’t let anyone else define you!”
"I am pruning you and your church. Do not resent or resist me. When I prune something, it results in more fruit not less. So trust me.” (John 15)
“Be what I have called you be be. I want you to function like an apostle. Act like it!’
When I completed that season with God, I wrote these things down in a journal. Every day I declare these words over my life. They have been like a huge strength to my soul.
#3 - DETACH FROM SOCIAL MEDIA - AND FROM PARTISAN NEWS
A few weeks ago, I realized how much my feed on Facebook and Instagram was affecting my spirit. I decided to stop engaging with it. I also have chosen to steer away from watching the news. I read the local newspapers to stay aware of what is happening in the world, but I recognize that all of these sources have a stake in keeping me tuned in, and tend to feed fear, anger, and curiosity to accomplish this goal. I have tuned out and I feel so much better. I can’t even begin to tell you how helpful this has been to my soul.
I am now choosing to use social media but not let social media use me!
#4 - FIND WAYS TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE
Yes. There’s a pandemic. It’s an election year. There are tensions all around us. You may be being criticized or betrayed by people around you. But God is still good. The sun is still shinning. The birds still sing. Food is still tasty. Music still inspires. Coffee still smells amazing in the morning.
Yes, we are all working harder than ever. But don’t forget to unplug. Get away. Breathe deep. Enjoy the moment you are in with every fiber of your being. Laugh. Play. Do what replenishes your soul.
#5 - TALK TO SOMEONE
It helps so much to talk to someone who listens well. Find someone who is older in ministry and can be a spiritual dad or mom in your life. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor or see a marriage mediator? But most of all, you need someone who will reflect back truth to you. You may have forgotten some important things about how God feels about you.
#6 - GRIEVE
If you have been betrayed, or have lost friends or church members during this time, you may be in the grief process. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to feel the loss. Remember that a grieving soul is like a broken bone: it doesn’t just automatically feel better because you decide to move on with your life.
You need to go through the cycle of DENIAL - ANGER - BARGAINING - DEPRESSION - ACCEPTANCE.
So take the time you need to grieve. Maybe you shouldn’t preach for a few weekends. Maybe you need to get away for ten days or so. Disconnect, so that you can truly connect with the pain in your soul. After you have grieved for a proper season, you will feel some degree of strength return.
#7 - DON’T JUST QUIT - TAKE A BREAK IF YOU NEED TO DO SO.
We can’t afford to lose you! Don’t go immediately to the decision to throw in the towel. Talk to someone who will help you take some additional vacation, or go on a mini-sabbatical. Don’t just quit! It’s okay to transition when God leads you to something else, but it’s never okay to quit.
You will regret it if you do. God has called you. Don’t abandon that call. This season will soon transition into something else, but your calling remains. Find a way to stay strong in the midst of it all.