Parenting Isn't What It Used To Be!

A few weeks ago, Melodie and I received the news that our fifth grandchild had been born. We could not wait to take that little girl in our arms and let her know that she has a papa and gigi that love her deeply.

It is such a joy to watch our kids raise their own kids. And it is also a bit terrifying! Not because we don’t trust our kids to parent well but because the world that we live in has become more and more hostile toward children in general, especially if you want to raise a son or daughter to be a follower of Christ.

Back in July, we had Jordan Kolarik speak at Allison Park Church. He is the newly appointed Chi Alpha Director for the University of Pittsburgh. During his message, he shared a statistic that 80% of Christian students who attend a secular university will drop out of active participation with their faith. That means four out of five will have their world view assaulted while in college.

Honestly, as a pastor and a dad, I can see this trend starting at younger ages. More and more students are starting to question their faith by the time that they leave elementary school. What does all of this mean?

#1 - YOU HAVE STAY AWARE OF WHAT YOUR KIDS ARE SEEING AND HEARING!

There is a reason why middle school students are seriously questioning what their parents and pastors have taught them:

First is access to the internet. Listen to this quote from Amy Steele, ‘Surprisingly, the average age of a child the first time they see internet pornography is 11 years.  Kids don’t have to be looking for pornography; it is programmed to find them. To think that it won’t happen to your child leaves them at risk for stumbling upon sexually-explicit material online (whether they are looking for it or not) that they are not developmentally able to handle, emotionally or mentally.”

It’s not just porn that kids are seeing prior to 11 years of age. There is so much being pumped through the internet regarding sex and sexuality, gender and identity.

Secondly, these topics are now often part of the curriculum taught at your child’s public elementary school.

When I was growing up, my parents did not have to worry about information and images on the internet. They did not worry about what I was being taught in school. The world view taught to my generation was generally parent and family friendly. No one was allowed to encourage young girl to have an abortion without her parents’ knowledge. No one was able to persuade a young person to take puberty blockers without a parent’s permission.

The world has changed! When I was raising my kids, the risks were increasing. But now, there are parts of our culture that do not think that parents even have the right to teach a Christian world-view to their children.

You have to know what’s happening on your kids devices. You need to have password protection on internet sites. You need to review what your child is being taught at school, in great detail. And you need to be focused in on their friendships and influences that may be working to separate your child from your influence.

#2 - YOU HAVE TO ACTIVELY TEACH YOUR WORLD VIEW!

One of the things that I most enjoyed as my kids became teens was the ability to have rigorous conversations about theology, lifestyle, politics, and values. I often would start the conversation by showing them something that I had seen or read, and asking their opinion on it. I wanted to take on their questions and search together for answers from the Bible.

Many parents feel uncomfortable about this process. They feel inadequate to address certain topics, and they don’t want to look foolish in front of their children. They hope the church will help educate their kids on Biblical concepts and delegate world view discussions to others.

We are not in an era where that is possible anymore. You need to know what you believe and why you believe it! And then you need to teach it with patience and love to your kids. This may take some work. You may need to read some books, watch some videos, and expose yourself to topics and trends that are current.

One of my goals as a pastor is to start resourcing parents with books, and messages, podcasts, and videos that will prepare you to parent well in this spiritually hostile generation.

#3 - YOU HAVE TO LEARN WHAT IT IS TO PRAY FOR YOUR CHILDREN!

Having children is spiritual warfare! The devil wants to bring a world of pain and dysfunction into that little boy or girl that is the pride and joy of your life. But God wants them to flourish! God is on your side. He is working on your behalf. But you need to work with Him toward this end.

Every day, you need to be up early, in the word and in prayer. It has to be a habit of declaring promises over your child’s life. You need to be tuned into the Holy Spirit’s voice. There were many times when we were raising our kids that the Holy Spirit made us aware that one of our kids was in a dangerous friendship or was in a bad way with their exposure to the internet. God warned us with a heaviness in our spirits that we needed to investigate what was going on in their life.

The Holy Spirit is your best friend! He wants to help you lead your children well. But you need to tune in to His voice and become active in your prayer life.

#4 - YOU NEED TO PRIORITIZE YOUR KID’S SOUL

Can I say something radical to you? I would never send my son or daughter to a university if I thought that their education was going to cause them to lose their soul. Does that mean you think college is bad ,Pastor Jeff? Not at all! I want my kids and grandkids to have a college education. But if, upon researching the spiritual climate of the university they were planning to attend, I found it to be a hostile environment spiritually, I would make it a priority to find my child a healthy church to attend or a vibrant college ministry to engage with before I would feel safe in sending them away. Honestly, I would rather my children receive a degree from a less prestigious university than have them walk away from God.

Proverbs 4:23 says, ‘Above all else, guard your heart - for out of it flows the wellspring of life.’

If your soul is right, it is more likely that your marriage will be right. If your soul is right, it is more likely your mental health will be solid. If your soul is right, you will live a life of eternal purpose. If your soul is right, it is more likely that your kids will have an opportunity to receive Christ.

I am not willing that my kids die spiritually; even if they become great athletes, business people, doctors or win academic awards. First and foremost, I want them to be passionate followers of Christ.

When there is great darkness, the light shines even brighter. When there is a tremendous battle, tremendous warriors are born. Yes, it is much more difficult to raise kids in today’s world, but I believe that your kids can become even greater because of the challenge that is at hand. However, they cannot rise to their potential if their parents are asleep at the wheel. We need godly parents to be more skillful in their parenting than ever before!