Hope For Struggling Parents
Last week, I saw an Instagram post from one of my pastor friends who is currently raising young children. It was a picture of a scene in Star Wars, where Yoda is dying. The quote on the meme was, "Once I became a parent I finally understood the scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions he just dies!"
When I saw that, I laughed out loud (literally L-O-L). I remember those days! There are so many ways in which parenting leaves us exasperated and exhausted. Whether it is chasing a two year old around the room or battling it out with your teenager about what is fair and unfair, raising kids is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can ever endure.
So let me give you five reasons why you should have hope today:
#1 - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Remember that you are not the owner but rather are the steward of that life that God has entrusted you to raise. Ultimately, God is the primary parent, the ultimate heavenly father, who has created and designed your son or daughter with a purpose. I love what the Psalmist pens in the 139th Psalm. Read it as if it is talking about your kids:
Where can (they) go from Your Spirit? Where can (they) flee from Your presence? If (they) go up to the heavens, You are there; if (they) make (their) bed in the depths, You are there. If (they) rise on the wings of the dawn, if (they) settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide (them), Your right hand will hold (them) fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide (them) and the light will become night around (them),” even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. Psalm 139:7-12
#2 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!
From the moment we bring our child home from the hospital, there can be this nagging sense of self-doubt. We wonder, "Am I up to this? Do I know what I am doing? I hope I don't screw them up for life? I know that I don't have all the answers!" Aren't you glad that there is a MESSIAH who has come to save us all? Aren't you glad to know that you are not Him...and God does not expect you to be?!
I love the Celebrate Recovery (a Christian 12 Step Program) statement, "IT'S NOT ABOUT PERFECTION! IT'S ABOUT PROGRESS!"
That is a great reminder for parents as well. You just have to be honest, humble, and hungry to grow. If you are real with your kids, and show that you are trying, they can forgive imperfections. You are saying to them, "Follow me as I follow Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1)
#3 - THIS SEASON WON'T LAST FOREVER!
This statement is a double edged sword. Remember, you won't always feel this tired. It won't always be this confusing. The challenges you have today will not be the same challenges you have next year at this time. God is going to bring you through this. Keep depending on Him. Keep praying. Keep parenting. Keep doing your best and God will do the rest.
But remember that this season won't last forever!
So treasure these moments. There are some precious things in your life right now with your kids that you will never get the chance to live again. Stop. Pause. Take a deep breath. Enjoy them. Enjoy the moment.
#4 - IT'S NOT ALL YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT ALL YOUR SUCCESS!
It's true that you can do everything wrong as a parent, and by God's grace, they still turn out alright. It's also equally true that you can do everything right as a parent, and for whatever reason, they go through a really bad season and make horribly bad decisions. Haven't you ever seen the same parents get wildly different results with two different children?
Remember, you can't decide for your children. You can only love them, invest in them, train them, coach them, and help them through life.
It doesn't help to blame yourself excessively. Take responsibility for your part. Learn from your mistakes. Read up. Get coaching. Do whatever you can do to improve your parenting skills. But at some point, you have to surrender the results to God.
I love the quote from John Quincey Adams, "Duty is ours. Results are Gods."
#5 - DON'T FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
Parenting, by its very nature, is self-less. You have to give up so much. Sleep. Money. Time. Energy. Personal entertainment. Sometimes, even career opportunities. You give and give, and most often, do so with joy. But you are not superhuman.
You need sleep. You need a break once in a while. Your marriage might need some quality time. You might need to get out and enjoy yourself for a night.
No one will negotiate solutions for you but you. You have to make a priority to care for your own body, mind, and soul. Self-care is not selfish. Neither is spouse-care. It is a necessary part of life.