Five Wise Leadership Principles
Over the years, I have come to appreciate the unique and often ironic insights that we get from the book of Proverbs. It seems obvious that the Holy Spirit inspired Solomon to write out of his own painful leadership experiences.
One of the most painful and challenging areas of leadership involves handling people who are not just difficult, but are downright impossible! If you have been leading for any length of time, you probably had several faces pop into your head when you read that that last statement!
So what do we do when we don’t know how to handle the impossible people in our leadership life?
#1 - Addition By Subtraction!
One type of challenge is a person who is arrogant. unteachable, and closed to any advice. They often demonstrate this quality not just in one-on-one situations, but in team meetings as well, through disapproving looks, critical statements, and resistance to new ideas or to any type of change.
Here’s how the Holy Spirit, through Solomon, describes such a person. “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.” (Proverbs 22:10)
How can we discern if we have a ‘mocker’ in our midst? There’s a difference between a sincere but confused person, who is asking questions simply to understand better or the person who is continually asking the hard and challenging questions but simply desires to improve the end product. A mocker is someone who inwardly or outwardly scoffs, derides, or shows contempt for leadership.
When a mocker departs from your organization, there might be an immediate sense of loss. They often drag people away with them as they exit. But within a few days, the culture of your organization becomes healthy again, and you begin to grow.
Thus, you subtract a few people that needed to go, but you can gain a lot more in the long-run.
#2 - In A Dispute, The Calm One Always Wins!
One of the biggest challenges comes when we are frustrated and angry with someone or something that is causing us grief. If we react out of those emotions, we can often make things worse. Harsh words. An angry email. An emotional outburst. These all leave us feeling vindicated, but will not help us lead well.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” It is so important to process your frustration fully before you respond to someone or something improperly.
Identify what has made you so frustrated.
Forgive those you need to forgive.
Surrender to God what you need to surrender.
Pray it through to a place of peace.
Identify the core of what you need to see change. Be specific.
Then with a soft tone, and a pleasant smile on your face, directly confront those you need to deal with. Be brief. Kind. Specific. Gracious. If they react and get angry, keep your cool. Remain calm. This leadership technique can break through hardened hearts and massive barriers. Proverbs 25:15 says, “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.”
Keep reminding yourself, ‘The calm one always wins!”
#3 - If You Have A Fool In Your World, There Is Really No Way To Win!
Actually, one of my favorite set of Proverbs shows up in Proverbs 26:4-5. Listen to these two sentences back to back:
“Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.”
“Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.”
What am I supposed to do with a fool? Do I answer them or don’t I? These two pieces of advice contradict each other! So what exactly are you trying to say here, Solomon?
Here’s the principle: If you have a fool in your life, there is no way to win; all you can do is damage control. If it is just between you and the fool, don’t waste your breath on trying to answer their foolishness, because they won’t be convinced. You will just end exhausted from the interaction.
But if their foolishness could influence others? Speak up! You don’t want to let others be led astray by such unhealthy thinking.
#4 - Please God In Every Situation - He Will Take Care Of The Rest!
One of my favorite promises is Proverbs 16:7 - “When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone’s way, he causes their enemies to make peace with them.”
This is not a guarantee that we will never have an enemy or that we will always have peace. It is simply a description of the best pathway forward. When we have tried everything else and it has not worked, the best thing we can do is simply do that which we know will please God.
Actually, rather thanthe last resort, this should be where we start:
Choose words that please God.
Make your attitude a fragrance of worship.
Do that which you know puts a smile on God’s face.
Be generous. Be gracious. Remain humble. Yet be unmovable in your obedience to Him.
Be willing to suffer in love and forgiveness.
Honor your brothers and sisters. Respect their position.
Stay sweet in your spirit.
#5 - Sometimes The Wisest Thing Is To Simply Keep Your Mouth Shut!
Finally, when we feel lost in a situation and are not sure how to handle it, it is best to let your words be few. Here’s the wisdom from Proverbs 17:8: “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”
It’s always good advice to listen more than you talk. To listen before you talk. And to stay quiet until what you say can be said with precision and punch.
Seek counsel and coaching in private. But in public, especially during times of conflict, let your words be few and effectively chosen so that you can lead well through whatever crisis you may be facing.
May God give you wisdom and revelation as you continue to lead well.